Hi Ananya,
Hope you find this interesting when you read it. I have
tried to capture how you were from month two to month four after you were born.
You had probably started seeing better. You would gaze constantly
on most things while being in awe of it. The tubelights, the fan, the paintings
on the wall, the TV. Wonder what was going through your mind but you would
repeatedly look at it when I would walk with you around the house.
This is the time when Deepa and you were in Andheri with
your grandfather and grandmother. I worked in Clover Infotech which was in
Andheri too. Every evening after work, I would hop into a metro and come down
to the house, eager to see you. I would spend most weekdays with you.
The signal
I vividly enjoyed the moment when you would lift your tiny
hands and legs (a signal to tell me that I should be lifting you up in my
arms). You would give me a lovely smile too!
The calm and poised
you!
I remember, one day, there were a lot of people in the house
who had come down to attend a prayer session arranged by your grandmother for
the devotees who were planning to visit the Aiyappa temple in Kerala. We
thought you would panic and would cry when you see so many people. Au Contraire, you seemed happy with the
attention and gave everyone a nice smile, much to the delight of all who
visited the house.
Your playtime!
You chose to play during the nights, especially after
midnight. You were a ball of energy. Deepa had a tough time and very less sleep
during this phase. She would be up almost the whole night playing with you,
feeding you, changing diapers if required and in general, taking very good care
of you. You should never forget the love and care she gave you during this
time. No one could have sacrificed so much for you.
I also changed the diapers at times. I thought I would do a
very shoddy job of it, but I managed better than my own expectation😊
In the nights, to put you to sleep, I would carry you
around. After quite a few trips and admiring things in the room with your head
above my collar bone, you would slowly drift off to sleep. I would go and stand
near the mirror to check if you have slept. And then, I would see your eyes
wide open, sometimes you would give me a smile too. Its almost like saying,
“Not yet, acha (dad), not yet”.
Then slowly you would drift off to sleep.
The weekends
In the weekdays, I would click a lot of pictures and videos
of you. There is a video which I really like (actually two videos). Check it
here. You were laughing your heart out and enjoying life to the fullest. I hope
you live your entire life like this. Happy and laughing no matter what the
challenges are!
I would go home, our house in Seawoods, during the weekends.
We had a maid who would come down on weekends to keep the house clean. On a
Friday night, when there is no one at home and I could sleep as much as I want,
I strangely found that I did not get too much sleep. I used to keep looking at
your pictures and videos till late into the night. I missed you a lot during
the weekends.
To sum up
I know you are born in a generation where access to internet
is easy and ubiquitous, and you prefer videos to reading. So, I would like to
sum up this phase as below:
When I used to walk around and put you to sleep, I wouldn’t
realize if you have slept because I couldn’t see your face resting on my collar
bone. However, when I started feeling small breaths on my collar accompanies by
the noise of your breathing, I would realize that you have slept. I would miss
those breaths (and their warmth) forever!
I would fondly carry you around in such a way that my
forearm would act like a branch of a tree for you to perch yourself on. Your
head on my shoulders, your tiniest hands on my chest, and the small breaths are
things that will be etched in my memory forever. I am going to miss them as you
are growing bigger, taller, sharper and smarter with each passing day. But, I
want to thank you for giving me so many unforgettable and precious memories to
cherish. You have made our (Deepa and I) lives extremely special.
Cheers!
Vimal Pillai
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